Amazing Parents

Sometimes it\’s AMAZING. Sometimes it\’s just A MAZE.

I Even Tried an Acrobat

I realized I was at a crossroads.  A stupid road, with a stupid point, where I had to decide which way to go.  I hate roads like that.  But every road is like that, so maybe it’s just me.

I’ve come to realize that everything I’ve ever needed to know, I’ve learned from the fire in my living room.  The way it takes such care, and contains so much power.  It can either save your life or kill you.  You either have to stoke it or let it die.  And long before you can stoke it, you have to find a tree, chop it down, season the wood, split the logs, chop kindling, crumple the paper, find a match…..there is a lot that has gotten me to today.  So much planning and pain-staking, back-breaking, labor.  But none of that matters when the fire goes out.  All your work is for what?  For practice?  Because you get to do it all over again.  And again, and again…and again.

Sigh.

The proof is in the fire. It’s not something you can fake.  It’s either going well or it’s not.  You’re either warm or you’re cold.  It’s either blazing or it’s going out.  And it might be cold inside, but it’s always colder outside.  And sometimes you see it dying, and you look outside at the 5 cords you have, and sometimes you just think to yourself that it’s easier to just curl up inside the down comforter on your bed and worry about the coldness in the morning.

One thing I’ve learned is that coals are only good if you plan to light it again.  Or if it’s already too hot.

Well, this is neither of those things.  I’m cold and I don’t plan on relighting this fire.

And he has been trying to tell me that.  But I wasn’t able to hear him.  I so badly wanted it to keep on going.  I had convinced myself that it would.  Someday.  But it’s not.  It’s not going to blaze again.  It’s over.  It’s dead.  The fire is out.

And I really did even try an acrobat.  (Thank you, Wilma.)

December 10, 2008 Posted by | Just me | Leave a comment