Amazing Parents

Sometimes it\’s AMAZING. Sometimes it\’s just A MAZE.

Slowing down to connect in the present moment

A lot has happened to me in the past several weeks.  The roller coaster that I’ve been on has stopped and then started again.  It’s moving slower this time, which is good.  Because I don’t feel like throwing up anymore.  I just want it over.  I want the ride to be over.  I want to get off now.

But…

I have come to realize that things happen sequencially.  In an order that cannot be sped up, nor slowed down.  We have no control over what has happened, nor what is yet to come.  We cannot fit our lives into pretty little boxes that make perfect sense.  We do not have that kind of power.

I also realize that most of us wish we did.

Because when we are on a ride, a crazy loop-de-loo ride, controlled by someone else, it’s very scary.  You move along at someone else’s pace and the curves just come without you knowing.  Suddenly you’re just in it.  In a fight to keep yourself together.  To not throw up.  And I’m sorry that is what some of you have been through.  I am sorry that it’s sometimes a ride like that.  You have no idea how much I feel your pain.

But I can’t change that for you.  It’s not in my power to stop the ride.  If I could, I would.  You all know that.  Because I want off too.  They say that in car accidents, people who saw the other car coming are worse off than those who didn’t.  Because when you see it, you tense up.  And when every muscle inside your body is flexed like that, the impact causes much more damage.  I think that is what it’s like in life.  A lot.

If we could just learn to relax and enjoy the ride we’d suffer much less damage.  It wouldn’t hurt so bad on impact.  We could recover sooner, stronger.  If we could just learn to breathe and to slow down our bodies and our minds….oh if we could.  Why is that sometimes so hard?

So what I’m going to do right now is commit myself to slowing down.  To stop existing in the past and in the future.  I am just going to exist in the present.  Right here.  Right now.  I’m going to take deep breaths and I’m going to feel my feet on the floor beneath me.  Because it’s there.  I just need to take my shoes off and actually feel it and recognize it’s solid.  Maybe I’ll even rub mud all over my body to remind me I’m alive, with skin that is healthy and growing around me, to protect me from my environment.  Yes, my body has everything it needs.  I just need to let it do it’s job.  And I want it to do it’s job.  Because I can’t do it any other way.

I am going to learn to love myself and my body and my life.  No matter what happens along the ride.  That is going to be this year’s love for me.  I just hope that it lasts.  It better last this time.

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November 3, 2008 - Posted by | A New Paradigm

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