Amazing Parents

Sometimes it\’s AMAZING. Sometimes it\’s just A MAZE.

I Like Fish

So….hmmm….I really want to write. I have so much to say. More about irony, definitely. And also something about preconceived notions and stereotypes. Boxes and categories that make me, all of us, so much more comfortable. We do that with our kids a lot. Like that little girl who figgets too much. Let’s call it ADHD and give her some pills. But what if there were no pills? Like there were not for that last thousands and thousands of human history. What then? Well, then you can’t “fix” it. You just have to be with it, as uncomfortable as it is, and accept it someday as reality.

Because I have this friend…..who, for Nelly’s sake, shall remain nameless…..and my relationship with him falls into so many categories, so many perfect little boxes. And I do this intentionally, so as not to “rock the boat”. But you know what, my whole life has just come crashing down and I suddenly realize that all those lovely boxes were lies. Facades. A superficial excuse for what was really going on. Like sex with a stranger and thorazine and pre-recorded chants and a big pink metal bottle of hairspray.

And quite frankly, I’m done. I’m done with it all. I’m done with wondering what people will think. I’m done “over-analyzing” everything. Because I just finally want to be here, present. I want to feel all of my feelings that I have been told to shove down for three decades. I want to be free to express my awe to people that awe me, and to express my disgust to people who turn my stomach up in knots. I want to feel free to cry when someone rings the doorbell, for no other reason than “that’s just what we’re doing here today”. And free to wear my hair like a princess, just because Sister Mary does it, and she always looks so pretty, and just because I. suddenly. realize. I. can. too.

And that includes my over grown lawn and the music I listen to. That includes the laundry I’ve decided to throw away instead of wash. And the bricks that are crumbling by the fish tank.

Which reminds me, my fish never complain.

I like fish.

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August 28, 2008 - Posted by | Soap Box

2 Comments »

  1. Real irony is when you spend years and years trying to fit someone else’s idea of the kind of person you should be, and then get rejected for not being able to successfully turn yourself into someone you’re not. It’s only then that you find out that you can’t really be anybody but yourself. And that being your real self is wonderful….. quirks, weird habits, different music, princess hair and all……

    Comment by wifeonthefarm | August 28, 2008 | Reply

  2. For my sake, thanks. Too bad I know your dirty secrets 🙂 hahahahaha I love the point you are at and the fact you want to feel like the you you really are. Go girl, make your statement.

    Comment by smelly | August 29, 2008 | Reply


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