Amazing Parents

Sometimes it\’s AMAZING. Sometimes it\’s just A MAZE.

Hypnotical Hyper-grass Hysteria and other silent killers in your neighborhood

Aaaaahhh…….Summer is here. The sky is blue, the flowers are blooming, and the grass is green. And I’m glad the grass is green and it’s growing and all of that. Because it’s allowed me to see an interesting thing on my street. I call it the “hypnotical hyper-grass hysteria”. And yes, I’m sure that’s the clinical term.

Here’s how this “disease” onsets. First, you are living your life. You think everything is great. You remark to yourself at how beautiful your home is, how much you love your children. You’ve worked hard, its shows, and by golly, life is great! Until… day….early on a Saturday morning you hear the not-so-distant cry of a two stroke engine. Is it a four-wheeler? An airplane? No! It is the sound of the neighbor’s lawn mower and it’s choke is set on “rabbit”.

The second stage of this disease comes on very, very aggressively. For instance, you might look out your living room window and notice the freshly manicured lawn next door. It is so sharp and clean. The aroma lingers in your nose like the song of the pied piper’s flute in children’s ears. As if hypnotized, you begin to walk outside to the garden shed. You grab your mower, check the fuel, add some more, and begin to mow your grass in an exhausting subconscious trance.

Stage three comes on in the next few days. You love the look of your front yard when you pull into the driveway after work each day. It’s clean, gorgeous, and best of all, it looks just as good as everybody else’s. And then it hits you. Stage three is the realization that you have the disease. It is then that you realize that you somehow got caught up in the hysteria of what everybody else was doing. You wanted to look like them, to fit in, to feel like you belonged. It is now that you realize that this disease is chronic. From now on, every time your neighbor mows his lawn, you will subconsciously feel compelled to mow yours. No matter what. They’ve got you. The disease is now running your life and defining who you are.

And there are other similar viruses just like this one. There’s the Mammalian Has-no-hair disease, which has an early onset of around age 13 in most human females. It is at this point that the female begins to determine she should no longer have any body hair whatsoever. From the first onset of the terrible affliction, each time she sees another female body’s bare skin with hair, she feels subconsciously compelled to remove hers — whether by shaving, plucking, or the use of chemicals. Despite all pain, common sense, and survival of the fittest, she will begin removing her hair. This disease is usually chronic. The victim will continue to do this until death.

And yes, there are more! The Baby in A Box Bizarro, where human babies are put into boxes for up to 8 hours at a time each night, and sometimes even in the day. There’s the Feelings are For Foo-foos disorder, which generally afflicts human males, but is certainly not isolated to that gender. Also the Super Supper Syndrome, which is a really big problem in some areas. I know this syndrome has really taken over my local area. People everywhere seem to be eating larger and larger portions at night and then complaining of symptoms such as poor sleep, weight gain, intestinal upset and more. Avoid this at all costs, since it is becoming the largest factor of the breakdown of several current societies. Is yours one of them?

Like every disorder, disease, and syndrome there are things we can do to prevent these types of things from happening to your family. Just like hand washing prevents the common cold, the lack of brain washing has been proven scientifically effective in preventing these. Educate yourselves and your families. Refuse to blindly accept your neighbor’s standards as your own. As we can clearly see, society’s demands may not be the healthiest choices to choose. Choose instead to determine your own values and your own paths. That is the healthiest lifestyle of all.

Which silent killers are lingering in your neighborhood? Have you fallen victim to any of them and why? What can you personally do to prevent them and others like them? Do you believe you have the power to make that change?

I hope so. The world needs educated people who aren’t afraid of a little upstream swimming if we plan on giving our children a healthier world.

(This post is dedicated to my friend Nelly, with whom I learn more and more about myself every morning at 8. I love you, Nelly.)


June 26, 2008 Posted by | A New Paradigm, Soap Box | 1 Comment

A Site for Sore Eyes

Several years ago I started this blog, not really knowing where it would lead me. My first post was a declaration stating the need for a local support group for parents of children with attachment-challenges. And I meant it. We did need one.

At the time I wrote that post, I was vaguely aware of the need in my local area for more education on the effects of trauma and how prevalent trauma is within adopted and fostered children. I knew we needed more information and options regarding treatment plans for our children with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). And I knew we also needed to help educate the higher-ups: other parents, our children’s teachers, and all those therapists they kept referreing us to with no success. Today I am very clearly, hugely aware of just how much this is all still needed. And I have been working very hard to bring that to Oregon.

Well, here comes the reality of that hope: the official Amazing Parents website, which is officially being launched TODAY! Whoo hoo! I hope you all are standing on your computer chairs clapping and cheering in celebration of this huge accomplishment! Because it’s AMAZING!!

On our website, we will be offering educational classes and workshops here in our area based on the book Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control by Heather T. Forbes and Dr. Bryan Post. This is the book that has changed my life and helped heal my son — the same child they told me would never learn to love or be loved. We will also be bringing free support groups to parents who are really ready to try something new and see permanent positive changes in their families. With this support, we know you can make those changes. Follow that up with personal phone coaching by a Beyond Consequences Certified Instructor, and you have all the tools in your hands to move forward.

In addition, Amazing Parents is in partnership with Life Strategies, which is a counseling agency owned by Sandra Lucas, MAMFT. Sandra will be bringing the principles of BCLC into each and every one of her therapy sessions. So between the classes, the support groups, the coaching, and the therapy, Amazing Parents is Oregon’s total package for helping families heal!

If you haven’t already, please check out Amazing Parents today and sign up for one of our free local events. I just know your entire family will thank you, because you will finally be able to find your way out of the maze and into love and healing.

June 23, 2008 Posted by | RAD Education, Support Groups | 5 Comments

If you walk away, I’ll walk away

A good woman will pick you apart
A box full of suggestions for your possible heart
But you may be offended and you may be afraid
But don’t walk away, don’t walk away

If you walk away, I’ll walk away
First tell me which road you will take
I don’t want to risk our paths crossing some day
So you walk that way, I’ll walk this way

So I’m up at dawn
Putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I’m leaving but I don’t know where to
I know I’m leaving but I don’t know where to

And there’s kids playing guns in the street
And ones pointing his tree branch at me
So I put my hands up, I say ,“enough is enough,
If you walk away, I’ll walk away.”
And he shot me dead

Yep, he shot me dead.

June 16, 2008 Posted by | Soap Box | 5 Comments

Love and War

When my son was younger, I would practically beat my head up against the bricks around the fire place in frustration. I would give and give and give of myself — my time, my energy, my soul. And yet, no matter how much I gave, it never felt like he gave any of it back. And that can be exhausting and at some point, it begins to hurt. The resentment grows. The war begins.

Now, I realize the theory of infinite love, which I was reminded of from a parenting email this morning. About how 1 + 1 = 2, but that love does not follow any rules. Love is infinite. You can add to love and it still equals infinity. Likewise, you can take away from love and you still, yes, you still have an infinite source of love.

I get that. I do.

But when you are in the moment, it still hurts when your love is unrequited. Because when you feel that way about another human being, whether it’s your mother or your child or your spouse, you so badly want them to feel that way back. You want them to smile back at you and laugh at your stupid jokes. You want them to cry with you when you cut your finger, when someone criticizes you. You want them to bring you coffee in bed when you just can’t bring yourself to get up one day. You want them to think of you when you are not in sight and also when you are. You just want to be important to them, like a treasure that they secretly found one day. That’s how it should be. Yeah, love should feel like that.

But that’s just not how it always is. Because love doesn’t follow all the rules. That’s why we say “all’s fair in love and war”. Because they are the same sometimes. Love and war. Two sides desperately seeking what they think they need, what they think they deserve or are entitled to, what they think will make a better world for themselves. You would kill for love, die for love. You would give up other deep-seated values at times to get that need met. You would cower back from who you know you really are sometimes. Because you just so badly want it all to make sense, to feel good. The thing is, you can never confuse feeling good with being in love. Because often they run on parallel courses, going on and on in either direction, forever.

All I can say is that sometimes when we begin to feel empty, running out of that special thing inside of us, we have to remember that love is infinite. That it never can be taken away from us. That somewhere inside of me, there is a bottomless well of energy and spirit and resolve upon which to draw. And I am able to give that to my child no matter what it appears he has taken from me. And I can be kind and affectionate to my spouse at the end of a long day whether or not he himself is able to do that for me. And my mom, yes her too. I can love her whether or not she stayed home with me during the long summers of my childhood.

Because it’s about today. And what I can do to feel loved and let others feel loved by me. I have that power, that wealth deep down inside of me somewhere. And my ability to do this is not dependent on what others do to me. They can neither take from me nor add to it. It is about me. Just me. And my infinite well that I know is in there somewhere. Sometimes we just have to dig a little deeper until we hit water.

June 5, 2008 Posted by | A New Paradigm | 2 Comments