Amazing Parents

Sometimes it\’s AMAZING. Sometimes it\’s just A MAZE.

Honor who you are

I have a friend, Nelly, who thinks she is mostly bad. She says she never knows the words to say, that she’s never been able to really express herself clearly and walk away from any conversation satisfied. She sees herself as the odd man out in every circle. Her inner most fear is that she is right.

This friend of mine is one of the closest, most intimate, confidants I have ever, ever had throughout my entire life. When she tells me these “secrets” of hers my heart breaks just a little bit more each time. And I am confused. Because that is not how I see her. Not even close. Not even at all. It’s hard to even imagine she feels badly about who she is, for any reason. I’m just so sad to think about it.

My friend is beautiful. I mean, gorgeous to look at. A body that just melts into your eyes, long brown hair that waves around as she talks, a perfect nose. Her long legs are toned and strong. Her smile lasts all night long in my mind. I just love her. She’s gorgeous.

But also she has a huge heart. One time she rescued these two abandoned kittens and fed them her own breast milk through a tiny bottle until they were strong enough to drink formula from a dish. Some people might say that’s crazy. But I don’t think so. I think she just couldn’t stand to see them suffer and she would have done anything, even if it made her “crazy”, to save them from that pain. She is a strong mama and a loving wife to her husband. She loves homemade coffee and seeing horses run makes her cry. She recently decided that the ocean was pretty and that sand was okay afterall.

My friend is amazing. Besides my own babies that grew inside me, I love no one more than I love my friend. She has laughed with me when nobody thought it was funny. And she has cried with me probably a million times. She is the first person I call when my babies master a milestone. She is the last person I ever think to blame for anything. She is wonderful. And in many ways, I am who I am today because she has stood by me and loved me and protected me and cared. She has cared about every stupid story I’ve ever told her and been angry whenever I’ve been hurt.

I’ve never had a friend like her. Until now. And I only wish that she saw herself the way that I see her.

strong

gorgeous

wild

emotional

truthful

sexy

intelligent

articulate

grounded

compassionate

Those are the words that come to mind when I think of her. I wonder which ones she would disagree with and why. I wonder who told her she wasn’t that girl. And I wonder why she believed them. I wonder how others would describe me, and how would that differ from my own idealization of myself? And I wonder why it’s so hard to see ourselves clearly, the way that other people do. I wonder, why is it so hard to honor who we really are?

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April 4, 2008 - Posted by | Soap Box

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