Amazing Parents

Sometimes it\’s AMAZING. Sometimes it\’s just A MAZE.

A post on Post

It’s been many, many months since I last posted here. Sometimes parenthood just takes a lot of time. More time than I have, or want, or sometimes need. It is impossible at times to “get it all done”. Even typing 100 wpm won’t help that. So here and now, please accept my apologies for not being more vigilant on my blog. Just be patient, and know that eventually, I’ll get around to it. Speaking of patience and posts…..

There seems to be a dividing these days in the RAD parent circle about which method of parenting is more effective. Among the various on-line groups, individuals seem to be branching off in alarming rates into smaller groups who are either whole-heartedly for or against one method or another.

We have those who religiously adhere to the neuro work every day, creeping and crawling and patterning 5 times each day toward mecca. These parents are intelligent, innovative, dedicated. Then we have our “Nancy’s”, who are either named Nancy themselves or follow the advice of anyone named Nancy. This sect is cut throat. They know their children’s games and they intend to win them. They don’t take non-compliance for an answer and they fight for control of every breath their children take. Somewhere at the bottom of the list are the Posters, AKA: those without consequences. These parents are willing to take a risk, go against the grain, challenge the mainstream. They have learned that their children’s feelings are more important than their children’s behaviors, and that in fact, focusing on the negative behaviors seemingly lends itself to more. These parents have searched outside the box to find an answer and guess what. They found one.

Which way should you go?

Although I may not be a certified expert in attachment disorder, I would like to offer my two cents on this question in order to help redirect parents who are still struggling to find the balance in this type of parenting. Because although it may seem an impossible task to love the unlovable, or be sensitive to the cruel, or even give one more ounce of energy that you just never seem to have, please know that there is hope. There is a balance. There is a way to parent these children while maintaining your joy of life and sense of freedom. It is the Family Stress Model taught by the Post Institute — and it works!

Since I have last posted we have made huge strides in Tyler’s life. I would even say he is “normal”. The first thing I noticed was that he actually started laughing. That was weird. At first I didnt even know what that sound was. But now I know it by heart and I hear it everday. Yes, the sound of a happy child. And that child is mine.

Next there was the diminishing of violence in every form. Fewer tantrums, less arguing, more talking. Now there is the naming of emotions, the calm of a touch, the love in his eyes. All the things the “experts” said might never be.

I will write more about this later. I promise. But for now, just know that there is more to RAD than you’ve been told. And I should have posted long ago about Post.

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February 17, 2007 - Posted by | RAD Education

7 Comments »

  1. This POST METHOD is soooo encouraging! It’s awesome that you are seeing results now. I suspect it takes a great deal of faith, especially when one has been doing it for awhile and there are no measurable results. Thanks for making yourself available to others out there who might need that extra encouragement!
    Please post about POST when you can. As a teacher, I’d be interested to learn what it entails!

    Comment by danny | February 20, 2007 | Reply

  2. As Tyler’s grandma, I have read as much material on RAD as I could consume over the past couple of years, and all I know is that the unique combination of the Post method, along with Bethany’s loving discipline when it’s needed, opened the door into a place inside Tyler that none of us thought we’d ever see. It’s not just a behavioral change; it’s as though Tyler was given a heart transplant. He “gets it” now and is willing to work with Bethany to recognize and change his negative behavior trends. He’s becoming a loving, responsive child who experiences joy. It’s nothing short of miracle.

    Comment by mom | February 27, 2007 | Reply

  3. Long time no hear from you!

    Honestly, the longer I’m in this, the more I think it’s a combination of things. A little neuro, a little Nancy (& others), a little Post and a whole lotta good parenting. The only problem I have with Post is that I don’t read some of the “traditional” AT materials the same way that he seems to. I see a lot more love in them…esp. when I hear some of these folks speak. I guess I do have one more issue with Post/Forbes…and that is the blame on parents. Most parents of kids with attachment disorder get enough blame without getting more. But I really like a lot of what he has to say, especially his emphasis on a child’s behavior being rooted in fear. I just don’t think most attachment professionals would disagree with that.

    Anyway, just wanted to pop in and say I miss hearing from you! 🙂 And I’m SO GLAD that things are going well for you guys!

    Comment by Cyn | March 2, 2007 | Reply

  4. I, too, am so happy that you are seeing such great results. I know you have researched so many different theories and ideas. Your diligence to help Tyler has been unwavering even when it caused strife with family members. Your dedication is amazing. While other parents might have thrown in the towel, you hung on for dear life.

    Ultimately the end goal has always been to give Tyler a better life. A life that everyone was told was impossible. Well, you have created the impossible due to your love and support.

    Congratulations on your miracle. A miracle you created and Tyler will benefit from forever.

    Comment by Jolie | March 14, 2007 | Reply

  5. Cyn,

    I could not agree more about it being a combination of many different techniques! I appreciate you saying that so much. It seems too often that people are willing to do this one or that one, but they miss a great deal of opportunity by not combining them. This is not about picking teams. This is all about finding that perfect balance that works for your family. And I have finally found mine! Hurray!!

    In our experience, and with my son’s level of ODD, he was completely unable to accept Nancy Thomas type methods. He would rage against it like nothing I’d ever seen before. They told us it would get better, but it didn’t. It got worse….much, much worse.

    But since learning the Post Method, I am able to use ALL the methods in a way that comes off loving and kind and compassionate, and in a way that is not threatening to Tyler. The resentment within me has faded and I sincerely enjoy my son now. Sadly, that is not something I could say a year ago. This is where I believe it IS about the parents. Not in a blaming way at all though. Some people have issues so deep that they are unable to help their children. Like putting on the oxygen mask in an airplane. The flight attendants will always tell the parent to put theirs on first. That is what the Post Method has done for me. It has given me an oxygen mask so that I can help my child without feeling like I’m suffocating.

    Today we use a combination of all the methods and Tyler is not just hanging in there, but he is actually healing. And if someone had told me about this two years ago I would not have believed them. It is not until I see it with my own eyes that I believe that healing is possible.

    Thanks for checking in with me! I stay so busy that I have missed out on all the group fun this year, but I hope to catch up with you all later. I have a lot of questions and a lot of encouragement to offer.

    Take care,
    Bethany

    Comment by amazingparents | April 1, 2007 | Reply

  6. Please, tell us more of the story!

    Comment by susankuchinskas | April 19, 2007 | Reply

  7. Your wish is my command….

    Comment by amazingparents | January 30, 2008 | Reply


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